So today's post was a toss-up. It was either Bunco or mushrooms. Obviously mushrooms won out. Don't ask me how I came upon these two totally unrelated topics....I get inspiration from many people and places. This post's inspiration has been around for awhile, but it really came to a head last night. As per my usual M.O., I'll give you background to get you caught up.
There are not many things that I'm afraid of. I often kid people and tell them that my occupation is "Superhero." Anyone that is a teacher knows this is more true than not. As we all know, each superhero has some type of weakness. Superman's was kryptonite. Mine is mushrooms. Let me tell you why.....
I grew up in Key West. This basically means that there is no topsoil, hence no pastures, therefore no livestock. Key West does have some vegetation, just most of it is not native to the area. There aren't many wide open spaces. Well, when I was growing up, my family and I always came to Mississippi for vacations so we could visit my grandparents. My mom's parents lived on a hundred acre farm and had cows. For fun, I'd walk through the pastures and forest, enjoying the non-tropical scenery. (It's not that I don't like the tropics, I was just anxious to see something different at the time.) I'd be walking along, of course looking for any "cow pies" and every once in awhile I'd notice a cluster of mushrooms. It seems I had been there the day before and they weren't there. So, I did what was only natural and kicked them over. Good riddance. I just don't trust anything that appears to grow that quickly. It just doesn't seem right.
I've never developed a taste for mushrooms either. Even the fancy portobello kind that taste like steak. Or so they say. I say...if you want steak, eat a steak. Leave the fungus out it. There's something I just don't like about eating a fungus. I mean, really....if you "had" a fungus, you'd go to the doctor or take some sort of medicine, right? And to top that off, apparently when you cook with mushrooms you shouldn't wash them because it makes them tough. Just wiping them off with a paper towel should do. (This is according to Rachael Ray.) I like my produce washed and cleaned, thank you. I worked at a grocery store during college and I know what workers do in the back part of the store where there are no customers, let alone supervisors. So, in a nutshell, mushrooms and I don't get along.
As I have mentioned in previous postings, my husband and I own three horses. We also have a little land. Livestock + pasture = mushrooms. Great. More crazy fungi growing in my yard. Whenever I see them, I kick them over and hope they will not grow back. So I understand why I have mushrooms at my place, but when I was on campus yesterday (I'm in grad school) I noticed a large crop of mushrooms in a walkway that hadn't been there previously. You'll be happy to note that I didn't kick these over. As I drove away though, it did make me wonder what had been going on there that I didn't know about......maybe on second thought, I don't want to know.
Anyway, I hate mushrooms. Please keep them far from me. I'd hate to lose all my superhero powers because "a fungus is among-us."
It’s us, but in dead animal form. But not really dead because they weren’t ever alive. Undead? No. That makes them sound like vampires. So not that. Fuck. I don’t know the word. Hey, how long can a title be? Because this seems excessive. Someone should stop me. Jesus. This is as bad as 280-character twitter.
2 days ago