Saturday, September 27, 2008

Fears Uncovered

Hello world! Today is Saturday. It's a busy day in the life of Tassie. I woke up early to see David off (he went to his dad's house about an hour away to help him cut firewood), and now I have to budget my time today. Of course, blogging ranked up there with things I gotta do. I just checked I can check that off. Now to blog, then off to Wal-Mart, school, back home, and then to a bridal shower. This is huge for me. (Not the Wal-Mart or school thing, just the bridal shower.) Let me elaborate.

First, for those of you that know me and probably those of you that don't know me, this may be somewhat of a surprise. I don't feel comfortable in large groups of people. I really think I have some sort of social disorder. I read one time about something called General Anxiety Disorder and it sounded a lot like me. All I know is, Donny Osmond has this disorder and he does okay. At least I think he does, I haven't seem him on TV these days. Who knows? He may be locked up in his house somewhere, afraid to come out. But I digress......

When I say that I don't do well in large groups of people, that isn't entirely true. I think I do okay at school functions, but I think that's because I feel that school is my "turf" and everyone already knows me and is crazy about me--hopefully! The situations that I feel uncomfortable with people are church and most things like showers or parties where I don't know everyone. Weird, I know. So imagine my apprehensiveness at going to a BRIDAL SHOWER for a girl at my CHURCH! Talk about double whammy. Add to this that I need to bring a dish to the shower, and you've got a panic attack in the making. I don't really cook so well. Not because I don't have the ability, but mostly because I don't have the time to learn and since my mom is the best cook ever, I never saw a need to learn. So, now on top of being nervous, I have to make something too. I never do those things right. Everyone's dish or present always looks more put together than mine. Maybe I'm over analyzing wouldn't be my first time.

New stresses at work also add to my mounting anxiety. I won't go into details, since it's probably boring to those of you who don't know me and those of you who do, already know what I'm talking about. It seems that my already limited time will now be spent at work. I'm thinking of getting an air mattress that I can deflate for the times I spend the night. I have to go into school (again) this weekend to get some things together for a deadline that I have on Monday. I also need to get some creativity flowing as I do some other stuff too. Again, no gory details, let's just say the twitching in my eye has started and now it's also in my bottom lip. When I did National Boards (talk about very stressful) my eye muscle twitched for over three months straight. I'm so not kidding. When I started to feel it happen again, I was worried, because the school year is long from being over.

On a positive note (and I'm sure you were hoping there would be one), I'm happy with my latest haircut. I'm not able to post pictures for a multitude of reasons: 1) There's no one here to take the picture, 2) I'm not crazy about taking pictures in general, and 3) I have STUPID DIAL-UP and it literally takes FOREVER to post anything from my own camera. However, if you want to take a picture of me, post it to Facebook and tag me, then I can easily download that image to my computer and post it to my blog. I think it would be easier if I just moved homes to one in town where hi speed Internet was available. Anyone looking for three new boarders, please contact me. The little one is good at sweeping and can answer the phone.

Well, enough time spent. I gotta get up and do my thing. I hope everyone sends me positive thoughts today as I try to conquer multiple fears. In the meantime, I'm going to swing my hair and walk around in circles with one foot nailed to the floor. Or at least that's what it feels like. Ciao!

1 comment:

Carrie said...

I would have never guessed that you dont like being in the social scene. I guess just b/c I only see you w/ school people and you're so comfortable with them...anyway, I'm no good at making food to take places either so I can't help you there...I usually just take brownies...and that's not creative at all...what new school stuff are you talking about? when I dont know exactly what everyone is stressed about I feel like i'm missing something if I'm not that stressed out too! you mean the test thing??