Thursday, June 19, 2008

Giving My Life Away

Giving My Life Away

We are all born with the countdown clock of our lives ticking away
Tick tock tick tock
A set number of years, days, and minutes to spend
Give it or save it-it’s just all time
Once gone, never retrieved
Time that can’t be bought or borrowed
And always is present tense
Tomorrow hasn’t happened
Yesterday is gone
Present time is all that exists
tick tock tick tock

I give the fragments of my life away
Like an old man that feeds crumbs to a bird
In the park
A fistful there-
A pinch there
Stacks of graded paper time eaters
That never get smaller
Phone calls about car pool, test grades, homework questions
Conferences that go in circles
Life stories that never end
I go insane as I slowly give my life away

They all want to be special
Have me intimately invested in their lives
Be an emotional advocate at their beck and call
As I slowly give my life away
A crumb here
A handful there

Lessons, research, children’s literature
Planning for the future that hasn’t happened
Reflecting on the past that is gone
Recording benchmark numbers, student groupings,
Tiered accommodations, teacher meetings
Useless training, mounds of paperwork
I put on an energetic smile and serve
On yet another committee
Student interns, college drama
Can I borrow all your files that I will lose tomorrow?
Another phone call I steal away to take
Another piece of me gone
As I slowly give my life away.

What’s remains at the end of the day?
I ache for hugs that I’ve missed
For flowers never picked
Jokes never shared
Moments that make up a life
Full of years,days, and minutes
That are missing because
I’ve given my life away.

Monday, June 16, 2008

I am here

Feeling like poo
I am here
Where are you?