It's been awhile since I posted. The first reason/excuse is that I'm enrolled in grad school on top of working full time and trying my darndest to be a good wife, mother, and friend. The first part of my summer was spent in intensive learning. I had two awesome classes and the work load was incredible, however I learned lots. The second reason is I've been trying to get back into "school mode" to prepare for the upcoming school year. I'm slowly doing this to avoid burnout. I'm finding that my candle is lit from both ends and now is lit in the middle as well.
Which brings me to the latest blip on my radar. Last week, I had a sudden and significant loss of hearning in my left ear, coupled with constant, high-pitched ringin. With it being the 4th and all, I couldn't get into the doctor until the Tuesday after (about 4 days ago.) The first thing they did was put me in this little sound-proof closet with headphones and did extensive hearing tests. I was sort of reminded of those hearing tests you had in school, but this was much more sophisticated. They then tested me with a probe on my head and I guess sent sound waves through my head. Either way, they said what I already know: I can't hear out of my left ear (but unfortunately, no one can hear the ringing....I wish I could share that with someone!)
The doctor then asks tons of questions, I guess to rule out some weird and rare disease. No, I haven't had any dizziness, no I haven't been around anything loud lately (except my mouth, does that count?)....his response was that either it was viral or could be a tumor. If it's viral, I have a 25% chance of improvement with a HEAVY dosage of steroids. If you've never taken them before thank the Lord. You feel nervous, paranoid, can't sleep, and pretty much want to throw yourself off the nearest cliff. I'm not kidding....the literature the doctor gave with the meds has a disclaimer that says I shouldn't make any major decisions while taking this medicine.
If it's a tumor.....well, that's pretty scary. I went yesterday to have an MRI to see if there were any tumors. I don't think that I'll be able to get my results before a couple of weeks. Seriously. I have to wonder for that long if I have a tumor. Of course, the only way to get rid of the tumor is through surgery. I wouldn't be as bothered by this as you might think....I trust my doctor...only.....he doesn't do that kind of work and no one else in this area does either. Great. Adn did I mention that this is a really bad time for me? I can't imagine trying to go through all of this and start a new school year off with a brand new batch of kids.
MRI's aren't fun either. It's a good thing I'm not claustrophobic. I guess all that tanning in the tanning beds, paid off. The hardest part is not moving at all for about 30 minutes and trying to ignore all the very loud noises as the monster machine took many pictures. They also shot something into my arm and that wasn't fun either.
I've only broken down a few times....to my mom of course, and most recently on the phone with my friend Vicki. She told me the story from the Bible with the woman and the matter of blood that knew she would be healed if she could only touch Jesus's garmet hem. Her words to me: "Do not be afraid. Only believe." Such powerful words. I pray that God fully heals me and restores my hearing and removes the ringing. And of course, no tumors. I ask that you agree with me on this that God will completely heal me.
Life is never dull....this is one thing that I know.