I Hold Many Titles, But This Ain't One of 'Em....

So how many of you out there can relate? Yeah, that's what I thought...I'm not alone in this feeling.





Let me get some things clear though......I am domesticated. I can live just fine indoors, I don't hiss, claw up the curtains and furniture, I respond when called (well, maybe most of the time), and if you pat me on the head, I won't bite you.




Another thing you should know....I am also a goddess. Once upon a time, when I worked at the local movie theater in Key West, I worked with some pretty fun people. Add to that lots of down time, and we learned how to entertain ourselves. My friend and co-worker, Jeremy, gave everyone titles regarding our status to the theater. (The theater was called Cobb Cinema 6 at the time.) Everyone had a royal title...Marquis De Cobb, Duke of Cobb, Princess of Cobb...you get the picture. My title, however, was different. Apparently I embodied the true essence of the theater because my title was Goddess of Cobb. The others were mere mortals. That was my first goddess title. And if I didn't already believe that, the paperclip holder on my desk at school says "Goddess....formerly known as Princess." So that settles it.




I must tell you, dear readers, that there is one goddess title that I DON'T hold. And that, of course, would be the title of Domestic Goddess. I think I've always known this, but it was very clear to me this morning how very lacking I am in this department.


I've always been an indoor sort of person. I used to claim my allergies kept me from doing yard work. Side note here....Key West is basically a big piece of coral rock and not much really grows there. Hence, there's no pollen to be allergic to. When I was eight, I was in a bad car wreck while riding my bike, so I've not been a fan of riding either. I have been know to walk and run, but only because I was trying to lose weight, not because I was communing with anything outside. Now you'd think that I would just walk/run indoors on a treadmill. And you'd be wrong. I do have a treadmill and am happy to report that no clothing is hanging from it presently. I just don't like the feeling of walking or running but not getting anywhere. I think I'd rather run in the rain than run inside on the treadmill. I'm also accident prone and have fallen off the treadmill more than once. Funny...now that I think about it, I don't like to sweat and if on the treadmill, I'm in the comfort of my AC unit and can position the fan just how I want. But I still don't see the appeal of running indoors. Also, I refuse to pay money to join a gym. I can lift heavy things and walk at home. I can do those things, I just choose not to right now.




Having said all that, you'd think I'd take some of the pent up energy that I wasn't spending doing outdoor stuff and apply it to things in the house that need to be done. Again, you'd be wrong. I think that many years of conditioning myself to grade papers and do lesson plans has made me oblivious to the fact that my house needs some serious attention.




I'm not saying I'm a dirty person, there are just a few things that I don't enjoy doing around the house.








1. Washing Dishes-

This is a strange one if you know me very well. I really like to eat, but I don't like to cook and I really don't like to do dishes. When we moved to this house, it didn't have a dishwasher and I hadn't lived in a place with one since I moved out of my parents' house, so I was looking forward to getting one. Our kitchen isn't really set up correctly for a dishwasher without doing some major remodeling and diverting of water pipes. We got around that problem by buying a dishwasher that was on casters and could serve as part of the counter top until we wanted to wash dishes. Then, all we'd have to do is push it over to the sink, hook it up, and let it do its work. Sadly, we haven't used it much. Not that it doesn't do a good job, but I also have a problem with putting things away at times. There's no telling how long clean dishes have sat in the dishwasher, waiting for me to put them up. You might be thinking to yourself that David also lives in this house and likes to eat as well. Let me tell you about him. He is one of those people that washes the pots and pans after cooking before he eats. When he's done eating, he goes directly to the sink and washes his dishes. He's real good in this department. I'm the one that's a little slow in catching on.





2. Putting Away Clean Laundry-


This is interesting because from about the age of eight or so, I did all of the laundry for my family every week. That doesn't mean that I like it or anything, it just means that I've got the skills needed to accomplish this task. I used to neatly sort the clothes, wash them, dry them, hang them up, and fold them. I think I even put them up for my parents and myself and laid my brother's on his bed. So I don't really know what went wrong here. The thing is....I really like washing the clothes. The soap smells so good, and I feel sorta like a mad scientist using all the different products: Spray and Wash, bleach for colors, bleach for whites, soap, fabric softener, dryer sheets....I like that part of it. Once the clothes are dried, they tend to stay in the dryer a little longer than they should. Usually, I either get tired of fishing matching socks out of the dryer or David needs the dryer to dry his clothes. **Side note....David washes his own clothes. I sort my clothes into colors, whites, towels, jeans, etc. David tends to do his clothes in a more "college-like" style. His clothes get washed in one group. And he's got particular dryer needs.... but more about that in #3.** So what I usually do is take the laundry basket out, put the clean clothes in them, put the basket on the floor in my bedroom, and resolve to get back to them later to put them up. Later rarely gets here. I think if I had all my clothes that I wear regularly in a basket or baskets, I could happily live out of it. At least until I need the basket for the next load of clean clothes. And so the cycle of insanity continues.






3. And the Mac Daddy of all domestic chores that I hate:


Ironing Clothes-

Okay, first the disclaimer. Not liking to iron is not a result of the way I was brought up. My mother tells stories about ironing the family clothes as a girl. She even ironed the sheets and towels. So, my mother has a hang up about wrinkled clothes, and would stop me frequently growing up to tell me to give her the offensive wrinkled garment and she's iron it so I could go out in public. I think this may be why I never really learned. I did try to iron my own things along the way, but I am sadly lacking in this skill. So, you can only imagine that if I live out of the clean clothes basket, that my clothes are often wrinkled, right? And they are. I understand the physics of it all....if I were to put the clothes up immediately after drying, the need for ironing would significantly be lessened. Somehow, this knowledge holds little relevance for me. So thank goodness for Downy Wrinkle Releaser spray. All you have to do is spray it on the wrinkled garment, smooth out the wrinkles, and lay it out to dry a little. Sometimes this is all I have to do. There are some times that using the spray doesn't put a dent in the wrinkles. My backup plan (also used in the morning when I don't lay out clothes the night before) is to put the clothes in the dryer with a clean, damp towel. Usually, this works. However, as I mentioned in #2, there are lots of times that the dryer is already full of clean clothes. So I have juggle and switch around laundry baskets to get the dryer empty sometimes. Just know that I go to work looking presentable. I will say this though, before moving to Mississippi, I never really realized how much people around here iron. I work with some ladies that have professional creases in their jeans. I know these people take their clothes to the cleaners to be ironed. I've never taken clothes to the cleaners and I don't plan on starting now.




David, on the other hand, used to be in the Army. He learned how to iron and he does it well. He irons his work shirts once a week. He's got the system down: iron, spray bottle, spray starch....and he even under dries his shirts just a little so they won't already get the wrinkles baked into the shirt from the dryer heat. That's another reason that he does his own laundry and I do mine--our drying needs differ. And there have been times that I've asked him if he could iron something for me while he was ironing his stuff and he obliged. I try not to bother him much during ironing because he's holding a very hot iron and he hates to iron as much as I do. Not a good combination. :-)




So, there's my dirty laundry....literally aired out there for you to see. Most people don't willingly divulge the things I've just told you. I'm not sure if that's significant or not, but at least that makes me more vulnerable and human. After all, I'm an immortal goddess, walking around trying to not be found out. So tell me, how am I doing?