Cheery Has Left the Building and This Is What's Left

I've still can't load pictures from this computer to this blog.  Grrrrrr.  Oh well.  There is much on my mind and I need to share it.


I had a mini-meltdown of sorts this week.  Actually, I had a couple. This tends to happen to me every year.  Some years are worse than others. At the worst of times, I think that these meltdowns are strictly work related.  That, somehow my job is to blame.  I only think this because I'm always who I am and for the most part, teaching is all I've done.  I've worked a couple of other jobs:  movie theater (box office, concession), retail clothing, Kroger cashier and bagger.  I'm wondering if I were to work there now, if I would be stressed like I am now.  Sometimes, I think I would.  The stresses would be different, of course.  But stresses none the less.


I'm an overachiever.  Always have been.  I think this is due to a low self-esteem.  I'm getting better, I think.  If I thought I was even a fraction as good of a teacher as other people say that I am, I think I would be conceited.  Hard to live and deal with.  So the way I compensate is to do more.  Do things differently.  Beat myself up all along the way.  Does this work?  I don't know.  You tell me.  People keep telling me that I'm a leader, that I'm doing a great job, that I'm a good person.  Do I believe this?  No, not really. So the vicious cycle continues.  Do more, try harder and I'll do a better job and then I will feel better.


But here's the truth.  The work is never done.  Ever.  I work 7 days a week, 365 days a year.  I am your tax dollars at work.  I take no time off.  It many ways, it defines me.  And this saddens me.  I know there is more to me than what I do for a living. So, what's the answer then?  There's only this.


Let go and let God.  

He's got this.  He gives me the strength, the will, the patience to forge forward.  The answer to my heaping plate of things to do is not to get a bigger plate.  That's what I do.  My current plate is as large as a serving platter.  The next stop is to hire someone to help me carry the next size platter around.  Seek God's face and his understanding of my place.  Why I'm here....what I'm to do while I'm on this planet.... Don't worry about everyone else.  They're struggling too. 


Sounds good, right?  I know all the answers.  I just need to have faith that I can leap  from where I am and He will catch me.  I'm standing on the sidelines of my life, afraid, wringing my hands trying to figure how to fix things.  How to not be afraid.  And failing miserably all the while.  I just want to close my eyes and leap and feel the freedom that comes from trusting and having faith in God and His divine plans for my life.

Doesn't that sound great?  Leap from the side of your life, my friend.  Hold my hand, let's close our eyes, and listen for God's sweet voice say "I've got you."  Because He does....He's got this.

Soda Machine or Evil Plot? I've Got My Suspicions....

Okay so there's something wrong with my Internet speed and the blogger website. And by something wrong I mean that I have an incredibly slow Internet connection and the blogger website doesn't like it. (But in reality, this is much better than before we got the jet pack and didn't have Internet at home so I'm not really complaining. I'm just sort of explaining the situation.) I'm sorta bummed that I can't load pictures to the blog.  I tell myself that it gives each post a little something extra but in all actuality, it probably just distracts people from the fact that I could have written more. Or written better. The only cure for this is practice.  I guess that means I'll have to quit my job and blog full time.  I'll be knocking on your door later looking for a place to stay since I won't be able to afford my house anymore.  I have a daughter, husband, a chihuahua, and they will all be joining me. Oh, and I like fresh flowers in my room daily.  Just thought you'd like to know in advance.

So tonight's thought fest is on choices.  Choices are good, right?  I think they are too.  But.....can you have TOO MANY choices?  Have you ever been in a situation when all the choices took the joy of the moment away?  And let's not even mention how irritated everyone else is when a decision can't be made.  If you want to start an argument in a group simply start a conversation with , "So, where does everyone want to eat?"  Let the chorus of,  "I don't care. Where do you want to eat?" ensue......But I digress.  Back to choices. 

Tonight my family ate at the new Firehouse Subs restaurant.  It just opened a couple of days ago and we were curious.  I've never been to a Firehouse Subs place before, so I don't know if this is typical or not, but this place doesn't have a drive thru.  Ironically, it's also next door to a gym.  I'm betting that Firehouse Subs will be getting lots of business from people either after they work out or those that plan on eating first, then working out but forget to go workout and end up going home.  But back to the experience.  I'm not familiar with the menu and was a little apprehensive when I looked in the place and it looked like it was full of smoke.  When I opened the door and went inside I was happy to note that nothing smelled like it was burning.  I later found that they steam a lot of their sandwiches so bonus....you get good food and a sauna experience at the same time.

There were a few people in line ahead of us, but mostly that was people staring up at the menu board trying to decide what to eat.  I noticed they had 10 choices for their combos and then a few other cold sandwiches on their menu.  There were lots of side items and other information about adding items to your order for nominal amounts.  So far, so good.  I decide to order a brisket sandwich (it's the #10 combo), I picked my chips (jalapeno flavored kettle chips) and then got my cup.  I took it over the soda machine and this is where our story takes a steep nosedive.

You see, Firehouse Subs in Starkville has a Coke Freestyle soda machine.  Just one machine.  You're saying "So what?"....right?  Well, for those of you that just came out from under the same rock I was living under and don't know about the Coke Freestyle machine, let me enlighten you.  Soda machines have now gone hi-tech.  This soda machine is about the size of regular soda vending machine.  Except it has ONE SPICKET and it has a TOUCH SCREEN. And about a MILLION flavor options.  Sounds good so far right?  Except for the fact that there's only one spicket.  One spicket. One spicket for everyone in the entire place.  What I found was that the line to get your drink was as long or longer than the line for food.  I can only imagine how kids (and probably some adults) will find it necessary to add both grape and peach flavoring to their Diet Vanilla Cherry Coke.  Or perhaps they'll want to mix both Diet Lemonade with fruit punch and Dasani water that has added carbonation and grape flavoring.  Either way, you have confused people who have difficulty making choices holding up the entire drink line.  This machine is also the place to get ice, so it's not like you can munch on the ice you got from somewhere else while you wait for the drink line to get freed up. 

Now hear me out..I thought the machine was interesting. Touch screens...fancy lighting....what's not to like?  And I'm sorta a newbie at the Freestyle machine.  I've seen it one other time at a deli in Jackson.  The drink line was always longer than the food line there too.  Which is a lot like what I saw tonight.  Gone are the days of just picking your base drink:  Coke, Sprite, Diet Coke, and then something else (Orange, Dr. Pepper, Mountain Dew.)   And it's a shame really.  Because when that ONE SPICKET stops working, no one will get any drinks.  So my feeling is that in the area of soda machines, we need fewer choices and more spickets. 

If you want choices, go to Sonic.  They have like a gazillion different drink combiations.  I'm pretty sure they have more than one machine too.  Also at Sonic, you can go through the drive thru or pull up to one of the slots available.  If you do the pull up spots, you don't feel like you're in line behind anyone.  And side bonus....they have happy hour every day from 2-4 with drinks half off.  You want fancy drinks, go see the good people at Sonic.  And they have awesome ice, but that's a different post for a different day.

I guess in my rant I didn't mention anything about my food. My sandwich was fabulous and the chips were good.  The drink on the other hand....well, it was a little overrated.  It's an evil plot....and it's name is Freestyle Coke. 

My Laundry Hamper List

Today I went to a training and part of it dealt with goal setting.  Part of our warm up exercise was to make a list of some fun goals for ourselves for 2013.  I wrote down some goofy stuff, but I'm thinking it's time to get serious about making a bucket list and put some of those down as obtainable goals for the coming year.  Does anyone out there have a bucket list??  I'm not sure what kind of things are on them....


So here's what I've come up with so far...

1) Zip Lining- I've done a very small version of this at the May's Corn Maze back in October. (When I say small, I mean really small)  I want to do the kind where you zip line through a forest or something.  I don't need to go over some deep ravine or anything.

2)  Clogging- I'd like to find a clogging group and join it.  When I was younger, I can remember seeing some groups perform here and there and I'm convinced I could do a great job.  (I have a long history of dance....lessons, performing,etc)

3) Hand Bell Choir- I also dabbled a little in this when I was in Key West.  I went to a church that had a bell choir and I got to participate some.  I really enjoyed it and wish that I could do that again.

4) Yoga-I've always thought that participating in yoga would be good.  I don't really like to exercise but I'd like to try this and see how I'd like it.

5) Professional Actress- I think I could do a really good job at doing commercials or being on a regular TV show.  Also related to this--I think I should have my own reality show.  I'm pretty entertaining and I KNOW that my job is entertaining.  As I've said before, If Honey Boo Boo can have a show, I can have one.

6) The Northern Lights- Someday I'd like to see the Northern Lights.

7) Alcatraz- I'd like to visit Alcatraz, not be an inmate there.  I've been to San Francisco before but wasn't able to visit.  It bummed me out to be so close, yet so far away.

8) Sign Language- For some reason, I feel very drawn to sign language.  (Side Note- I do have Meniere's Disease which has caused hearing damage but I'm not deaf.)  I'd really like to learn sign language enough to be fluent. I could then be an interpreter.

9) What Not to Wear- I need to be a contestant on this show.  I need someone to show me how to dress properly.  Right now, my current style could be labeled as "tacky."

10) Eiffel Tower- I'd like to go up the Eiffel Tower.  I'm not sure if they let you spit from up there, but if you could, I'm guessing it would be fun.

That's all I have at the moment.  I'm not sure how this compares to other people's list.  Do you add stuff like "cure cancer" or "meet the president" on a bucket list?  I saw parts of the movie Bucket List, but I didn't finish it because you know that someone dies in that movie.  Hence, the bucket list.

Also, I'm not sure if I want my goals hanging out in a bucket.  I know that the whole reason the word bucket is there is because of the reference to "kicking the bucket."  I'm not fond of buckets.....they remind me of moping floors or people throwing up and I'm not a fan of either.  I think I'll keep mine in a laundry hamper.  It doesn't have the same ring to it, but if you know me at all, you know I don't do things like everyone else.  If you have any ideas that could added to this list...let me know.  I'll add them to my laundry hamper.

Toodles!

A Tapas of Topics

I am determined to blog. This is my fourth attempt today.  There are times that I truly feel inspired and writing comes very easily.  Then there are the other days.  I think today is one of the other days.  I had several topics floating around but none of them took off.  Or it could be that those topics were fine but I didn't have enough coffee in my system.  Regardless of any of these problems, I will blog. I can't promise it will be interesting...but I don't make that promise any time I blog. So there.

It's currently too late for coffee, but I just made some sugar free hot chocolate so maybe that will help.  (On a sidenote...I'd like to mention that I realize that hot chocolate also contains caffeine and if it's too late for coffee than it must also be too late for hot chocolate. My mind knows this but it still seems illogical to drink coffee this late because of too much caffeine.)

So I went to see The Guilt Trip last night with my friend Kathy.  It was pretty cute.  There was a scene where she mentioned "tapas" and I've heard of it before but never had it.  (I also Googled it to be sure I was sure I knew what it was before I mentioned it.) For those of you that may not be sure what it is either, tapas is basically bite sized appetizers that originated in Spain.  In some places, tapas consists of the entire meal, since it is thought to take the focus away from the food and people can talk more  Okay, now I know why I've not had tapas before.  I like to eat and have no problem talking before, during, or after the meal.  But really, I'm not going to talk about tapas....I'm just going to offer my blog topics in a tapas format.  Small...bite sized nuggets of my thoughts.

In no particular order...

1) I tried to blog earlier about one of my typical days in the classroom.  Fact:  No day is typical in my classroom.  Also, being on vacation has made me soft (on many levels) because I had trouble remembering all the stuff I do.  I will keep notes one day and then see if it makes for an interesting topic to blog about. I'm convinced I could have my own reality show.  If Honey Boo Boo can have a show, I KNOW I could.

2) I made a batch of buttermilk ranch salad dressing from the packet today.  Is it just me, or does it taste better from the packet than the bottle?  Also, I'm a firm believer in the fact there is no "Lite" ranch dressing that tastes good.  While I was making the dressing, I was also cooking English peas.  I went to drop some butter in the bowl but instead dropped the stick of butter in the dressing.  I picked up the stick of butter and rinsed it off and then used it in the peas.  Is this gross?  Has anyone else ever washed off a stick of butter?

3) Which leads me to think of the "3 second rule."  I'm betting it's one of those things that people do but no one will admit to.  I'm not saying that I adhere to a 3 second rule or not, but I think it's funny that it's the type of thing people do but won't talk about.

4)  Apparently I think that my hot chocolate can tell what time of day it is.  Like somehow, if I drink this hot chocolate now, I won't be wired later and will be able to fall asleep with no problems.  We'll see.....it may be a blog topic tomorrow.

5)  Over Christmas break, I developed a taste for turnip greens.  I've never liked them before, but my mom made some and they were yummy.  Since then, I've made them three more times, both frozen and from the can.  They taste okay, but not as good as my mom's.  I have noticed that they taste better with pepper sauce on them.  My brother told me to try "pot liquor" which is basically eating cornbread that you've soaked in the juice from your turnip greens (also with pepper sauce.)  It was yummy.  (Sidenote..the pot liquor was only at my mom's.  I've never made cornbread before.)

6) I am excited about the return of American Idol and Switched at Birth.  David can't really stand either of these shows and we have one TV.  He does suffer with me weekly as I continue to watch Finding Bigfoot. I am a believer.  He's out there somewhere.  I also believe that the next American Idol winner and deaf people are out there too.  I don't think there will be a show about them together though.

7)  I miss the big hair of the 80's.  Not mullet hair or anything, just the big hair.  Like old school Reba big hair.

8) I love Christmas. And I love Christmas songs.  But I despise Christmas songs out of season.  I can stand to go into a Christmas shop in July but it doesn't excite me.  However, I think Christmas stuff should be put out in the stores right after Thanksgiving.  I think eventually Thanksgiving and Christmas will become one big holiday.  Christgiving.  Thanksmas. 

9) I recently discovered that Happy Days and The Brady Bunch both come on in the afternoon on a particular cable channel I get.  I had forgotten how much I enjoyed both of those shows until a couple of days ago.  I know I have seen every episode of The Brady Bunch.  I'm guessing that show came on during prime time at some point.  I don't remember it then.  I only remember it as something I watched after school on reruns.  Anyway, I've enjoyed watching those shows this week.  On an episode I watched today, Mr. and Mrs. Brady snuck out of the house to buy Bobby a bicycle and Alice called all their friends looking for them.  Ah....the days before cell phones.  I imagine their problems would look a lot different if it was set in the current year.  But honestly, I don't think I'd want to watch it then.

10) I was thinking today about work and it dawned on my that my work has now become my hobby.  Somehow, that doesn't encourage me.  I need to find a balance of work and the rest of my life.  Especially if I plan on working for 15 or 20 more years.  I figure I'll need to work as long as it takes for Raelynn to land a career she enjoys.  If I plan on staying around that long and not going off the deep end, I need balance.


So there you have it....a tapas of topics.  I'm actually proud of myself.  I've made it to the end of this post.  I hope you've stayed with me as well.  I enjoy blogging.  Some days more than others.  And like I said earlier, I think this was one of the other days.

Toodles!!

Choose Hope. Always.

So I may have spoken too soon about being able to blog more frequently.  Okay, let me revise that....I may not be able to blog in the way that I'd like to more frequently.  And by that, I mean blogging that includes pictures.  I am using our fabulous jet pack thingy that is allowing me to get online, but much to my dismay, it doesn't provide high speed Internet access.  More like Internet access that will work on that "no patience" flaw of mine.....  But I'll try to load another picture before I post this.  Either way, I'll blog.


So, thanks to everyone who read my post yesterday....and a special thanks to Harvey S. who posted a comment.  He mentioned an assignment we had in high school to write our own obituaries for the year 2030.  I don't remember that assignment.  And that bothers me a bit.  It just goes to show that you remember some things that are important to you and others not so much.  What I remember about the class that Harvey mentioned was that I had to memorize the poems "Anabelle Lee" and "O Captain, My Captain" and recite them in class.  I also remember that she gave oral tests on the tape recorder.  She taped herself giving the test to her first period class and then just replayed it for everyone else.  Too bad for you if you had a question or needed to hear number 3 again.  If someone from first period didn't need to hear it a second time, then you didn't either.  Her name, Harvey, was Mrs. Robinson.  I also remember that she also called us "Little Chickadees" and said "Now get in the barn, little chickadees...."  We all thought she was strange.  And I guess when you're a teenager, most grown-ups fit in that category.  (But really....she was strange.)


But I digress.....Mrs. Robinson isn't today's topic.  For some reason, I feel led to put the message "Choose Hope" out there.  I don't know if someone reading this is feeling a lack of hope in their lives or not...but I still feel like I need to say it.  I can't really offer much else in the way of any particular encouragement, but I do know this.  God has a plan and He is mighty.  He will provide when  you least suspect it and need it most.  When I encounter people that are lacking hope, I relay this metaphor. 


Life is like one big cross stitch project (especially mine.)  We live our lives underneath the project, looking up at all the knots, the tangles of colored thread, the loops that weren't pulled all the way through, and the thread that stretches from one side to the other.  None of it makes sense.  We can't see what we're doing and it all seems random.  God, on the other hand, is seeing our life from the top view.  He already knows the beautiful picture that our lives will become.  How looking at this exquisite piece of art will inspire others....how it will cause others to see something in themselves they didn't know was there.  We can't see it yet...and for that matter, have no idea what the outcome of the design will be.  We just get caught up in the tangles underneath.  God takes the knots of our lives...the trials...the heartbreak....and makes beautiful things from them.  Know that is what He is doing for you right now.  Have hope.  Hope always.  Hope doesn't make you weak.  It makes you strong.


So, I don't know who that is for but I feel that I was led to share this.  I hope that this finds you well, with a smile on your face, and love in your heart.


And if not....choose hope.  You are a masterpiece in the making!!!!


Toodles

So......What Was I Saying????

It would be really awesome if I could start this post with  "So...." and keep going like we were in the middle of some important exchange and I was simply picking up where I left off.  But that's not going to happen....see....I love to blog but haven't been very regular at it for over a year now.  That's sad because I'm sure that I lost some readers during that time (maybe one or two out of a total of five) but I've got a really good excuse.  For over a year now, we've had no land line here at home.  That was my only means of logging online at home. 


See...David and I both went for smart phones in August 2011, and cut our land line.  This means that we had Internet capacity on our phones, just not on the computers.  And as my luck would have it, I wasn't able to blog on my phone.  But anyway....we still don't have a land line.  We now have something called a "jet pack" with which we can log on wirelessly. So voila....I can now blog again!  Aren't you excited about that?  (If not, just nod and fake it.)  I love to blog and have missed it terribly.  I'll have to start my list of potential blog topics again....I had a mental list going at one time, but it's been so long that I've forgotten most of them.  If you have any ideas, let me know.

So it's 2013.  That blows my mind.  I can remember being in fifth grade and figuring out how old I'd be when we got to the year 2000.  At that time, I doubted that I could ever be that old.  So to think that we've gone past that to 2013 seems even more unbelievable.  Last year was a year of ups and downs.  But really...aren't they all?  So far this year, nothing up or down has happened.  Tomorrow I may even try to stay in my pjs all day.  Vacation time is good like that.  Maybe in the meantime, I'll think of an interesting rant.....which will lead to more frequent posts.  I love to blog, but I love knowing others are reading it as well. 


Toodles!!